Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who...– Lemony Snicket (via langleav)
floozys: hey followers is everyone feeling okay??? do you want some tea??? hot chocolate??? *puts in your favorite movie* *wraps you in fluffy blankets* *kisses your forehead* *whispers* i love you so much i just want everyone to be happy and safe
Poppin pussies into pies.
cristinaya: Shine bright like a washed nintendog
lea-michele: in australia we say dibber-dobber instead of tattletale this is probably the most embarrassing thing about us as a country
spookymormon: spookymormon: my mom always texts me rude things so ive just started replying with an emoji of an eggplant and it gets her so pissed it’s great
Got my running clothes on. Aaaaaannddd laid on the couch.
Today working as a medical secretary I had to call a patient to schedule a PET Scan. When the patient picked up and I had asked him his time preference he replied: “HOLD ON, I HAVE TO PUT ON MY LEG!” I just dont know anymore.
P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way Sydney
Anyone who reblogs this post by March 23rd will...
ggivemetherapyy: I promise every single one of you. I’m serious
What would it be like if Batman had powers like Aquaman, and all Batman can do is call bats when somebody is committing a crime. Batman would just be a man running around at night scaring thieves with bats he called with his mind.
My pupils are so dilated that I can see into the future.
HOLY SHIT, BUT FINN TOTALLY LET BRODI HAVE IT IM...
consulting-idjits-in-the-tardis: fuck i’m falling down all these stairs Well, at least you don’t live under them. stop being so overdramatic harry
What if our organs don’t do what we think they do? What if the stomach does the thinking and the brain does the breathing? We can digest with our lungs and smell with our eyes. Maybe even feel with our ears. The pancreas can make pee and the kidneys functions like a liver.
Reblog If You Grew Up With This
hooliganlovatic: fangirlingawayinneverland: NOT this: kids these days are so spoiled when i was your age we had an animated disney castle intro and we had to walk uphill both ways to see it Barefoot, in the snow In a blizzard With wolves chasing us 10 miles without a coat on fire The comments on here are a big reason for why i reblogged this…too funny!
anonynaila: subvertcliche: mello-dramatic: Everyone who reblogs this will get the title of a book to read based on their bio/posts. Everyone. I mean it. THIS IS THE BEST POST I HAVE EVER SEEN EVER they really do mean everyone
realitybl0ws: here’s to all the kids who have never found their name on anything in a souvenir store
Don’t you hate when you’re staring at a paper and just say out loud “Oh shit I’ve missed a period!” and the guy next to you and facepalms so hard he gets a concussion and passes out before he realizes you were talking about your grammar?
achoomnida: if you’re gonna unfollow me you’ll have to go through the perfume department
Reblog if you're a "Whatever the fuck I feel like...
dust-flow: OMIGOD I REMEMBER THIS EPISODE!
MICE AND GHOSTS HAVE A LOT IN COMMON. You can either hear them, or see them; never both. Both do things to make you seem crazy. Both are creepy to certain people. Both come out only at night. tl;dr mice are ghosts
fartgallery: 4/20? You mean 1/5 reduce your fractions did you even learn math
As I stood in the kitchen rubbing egg yolk in my hair, it made me think how my life is one giant science experiment. ALWAYS wear a condom. ALWAYS.
Reblog if it's okay to start talking to you...